Wannabe Burglars!

The wants and needs of a toddler are endless, and must be tended to at a drop of a hat. If this simple rule is not understood and adhered to, then you have only yourself to blame for the fallout. You have been warned!!
I would like to say that my toddler is the exception to the rule, but no, she is not. I, like any other parent of a toddler, probably feels that their child wrote the rules, but they did not. Read your child rearing manual. It’s under trouble shooting…. it’s there in black and white. Lost your manual? Haven’t we all? So we are left floundering helplessly in a sea of toddler angst and demand for immediate attention.
My days are filled with “I want”, “I need”, “I won’t listen”, “I won’t be good” and “You will mummy”! I ask for time before I have to jump to order, but no. It’s now. Miss the window of opportunity before the rage descends, and it’s all helpless. She’s forgotten the initial demand, and as the black cloud descends we have multiple reasons for her rage, but ironically none of them to do with her initial demand! I can cajole or threaten her, but nothing will bring her down apart from time to let her fuse burn out. It ends as quickly as it has begun. Instant peace and quiet. Then she’ll wipe her face with her sleeve and say, “I’m happy mummy. Are you happy”?. “Smile mummy, go on, go on”, “I love you very much mummy”, “Are we friends mummy”?. She shrugs her shoulders, smiles her crooked smile, and we are at peace once more. She now has the juice and the crisps she had first asked for!
Lily’s stammer is still evident, but she only has difficulty at the beginning of a sentence. We are sure this will get better as she develops and her mouth and brain sync accordingly. Unfortunately she still gets frustrated as she realises that she is doing it. We don’t make anything of it, no sniggering and pointing and mocking her. We are far too adult for that! We are subjected to bouts of rage when she stammers then demands we answer her, but as we do not understand what she is asking us, we cannot give her a reply. This is not acceptable and she demands, “Answer me mummy”! I reply that I am very sorry but I do not understand. Cue stamping and shouting. I do feel for her, as I’m sure I would equally be frustrated in her dilemma.
We recently had a visit from Lily’s eldest sister Laura, which was enjoyed by Lily, as she loves her very much. One morning I heard them both coming down the stairs, Laura shussing Lily, and Lily exclaiming “Bloody hell”! More shussing, another bloody hell. I cannot remember the reason for Laura’s swearing but quick as a flash Lily picked it up. Thankfully she has not repeated it since. I have to admit it did make me smile a little.
We were unfortunate to have been foolish enough to have locked ourselves out of the house recently. We realised that the other set of keys were on the inside of the door and we did not have a back door key. Lily quickly jumped on the fact that we were locked out, and I could see it in her eyes how smug she felt at our incompetence! Allan tried to break in through the back door as it is of an old fashioned design, and a stable door. His thinking I suppose was that it would be easier! Lily stood on the doorstep acting as narrator to every attempt he made to break in. I tried to squeeze my hand in through the letter box, but knowing that I would definitely get stuck, quickly retrieved my hand. Ideas of squishing Lily through the back door cat flap was tempting, but again, visions of her getting stuck by her podgy tummy brought me back to reality. Allan hammered a screwdriver and a chisel in where the latch was, trying to press it in so the door would swing open, welcoming us back home! NO… none of these things happened. I had visions of the local constabulary turning up after an anonymous tip off from a well meaning neighbour, with me, my hand stuck in the letter box, Lily stuck half way through the cat flap shouting, “I want juice and crisps, NOW”!, and Allan wielding a hammer and a chisel…. “Put your weapons down sir”! I can imagine them saying, followed by the sting of the taser! I spoke with my other (potty mouthed) daughter this morning on the phone, and we were crying with laughter as we both had mental images of the whole event. Needless to say, we were rescued at a cost of £75 and a 20 second job in breaking and entering through the front door. The operation was so simple and with a little hindsight, we could have done it ourselves! Lily delighted in the smiley man who came and opened the door and proclaimed that he managed to get us in! Whereas mummy and daddy did not.
Lily has a love of all thing small and fluffy. Calling them, “So cute”! It’s been charming listening to her ooh and ahh over the little creatures. She has recently expanded the species to include, ants, butterflies and, well any bug that crosses her path. This week I saw her lovingly caressing something in her hand from across the room. I walked over to her thinking that she had a ladybird or some other bug in her hand. She opened her hand, looked up at me and said, “Mummy look, it’s so cute”! What was it? A grape! Whatever next?
Lily Rose you are wonderfully cute yourself, and despite my despair sometimes, will miss these toddler years very much.
I love you.

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