Pant, pant, pant…. throw me a stick mummy…woof,woof!

We had discussed getting another dog, several times, since my little Oscar went to doggy heaven via the incinerator (he was dead by the time he went in to the incinerator) nearly three years ago. I say we’ve discussed it. If you can call begging and pleading and Allan refusing point blank, a discussion, then a discussion it was.  

It has now transpired that we do not need a proper, all barking, flea ridden mutt after all. We have a Lily dog! She will run around the garden panting, begging for a stick to be thrown so she can scamper off to fetch it, pant, pant…pant. “Throw me a stick mummy, go on”! Pant, pant , pant…. tongue lolling in and out of her mouth, dribbling spit and maybe a little snot that has made it’s way down her lip to mix with her dribbly panting! “Woof”, pant, pant pant…. She will obediently carry her stick or ball, if she fancies, back to me, dropping it and waiting for the next excited scamper around the garden. It’s a game she loves. I enjoy the way in which she will pant even harder to show us how much of a tired little hound she is. The nicest thing about our Lily dog is the way she lovingly licks your face….ahhhh.


It’s a subject we all debate at length. I’m not in favour of it (any more, but sometimes…) When your child thwacks you several times a day for no apparent reason, other than because you’re allegedly naughty, I am still very adamant not to strike back. Lily was sat on my knee and threw a her arm back and brought it down across my chest with a resounding hand to flesh slapping sound! I of course said ouch, then very quickly told her off. Making sure I reiterated what I always tell her about hitting people. Maybe I don’t come under the category of ‘people’ in her eyes. She probably thinks that as a mummy you have no higher ranking beyond that of a squishable bug under her pretty little sandals. Daddy of course being daddy, pushed his book further up toward his face, tittering behind it,  at the now out of control situation that was unravelling. Thwack, another blow, that I didn’t see coming as I was too busy telling her off from the last assault. I have a lot of boobage and the slaps made my chest wobble (much to daddy’s approval.. .who now was more interested in the girl fight than his book). Stupidly I announced, “Go on, hit me again and see where it gets you” As per the invitation, she threw her arm back for another go, but I managed to fend off her blow. The first thing you think is, “Why, why did I say, go on hit me again”? Daddy is still tittering behind his book, which really doesn’t help my situation, and Lily now in full battle mode is ready to take me on again! She even crows, “Look mummy, daddy is laughing at YOU”! I thank Nanny Jo for introducing me to the time out/naughty step, as that is where she was unceremoniously dumped. I gave her the reason for putting her there, amid wailing and screaming of, “I want to say sorry mummy”. Say sorry indeed. I have many a time, triumphantly returned to the naughty step to a red faced, tear stained toddler, wracking with sobs, to claim my apology, to be met with crossed arms and silence. If there was room on the step that day, daddy would have been sitting there alongside her.

Lily likes to make sure all is good in the hood most days. She will ask how you are, what you’re favourite thing is, what you’re favourite part of the day is. We, dependant on mood, and the severity of the naughtiness will often tell her she is our favourite thing. Sometimes we will say, chocolate or beer or bedtime is or favourite thing. One time I asked her what her favourite thing was and true to Lily style she raised her top and said, “My nibbles”! The playground is going to be interesting place to be once she starts school I’m sure of that. 

Having a little step for Lily to use for easy access to the loo and sink in the bathroom has given her some independence, and us some respite from running up and down the stairs every five minutes to take her to the loo. She has found other ways to utilise the step, from climbing up on to our bed to reaching forbidden items. I had waited a period of time (long enough for a pee any way) and called Lily from downstairs, asking her what she was doing. “I’ll be 5 minutes mummy, I’m putting on your cream”! I now have that what is she up to feeling, so I take the stairs two at a time (go me!) to get there before she empties whatever tube she has opened. Aghast, I find her in the bathroom, up on her step. I speak…. she turns… I gasp…she smiles…. I gasp again…. she says “I put cream on my face mummy look”! She smiles. On her face and right the way down to her waist is my effin Vera Wang body cream. I’m not one for buying expensive lotions and potions, but this was a present, bought with vouchers for Christmas. I use it sparingly. Lily used copious amounts. I could only see her smile through the cream (£15 worth of smellies gone in a a few tiny squeezes). I don’t know why I did it, but I scooped her up, carried her at arms length downstairs and pointed her whole body in the direction of Allan and mouthed (he was on the phone trying to sort a job out)..”F***ing £15, £15.. look, look”. He smiled, that ‘don’t bother me’ smile. I imagine lily still had her ‘I’m pretty’ smile on her face. I told her if she wanted to waste cream use her own cream. I’m sure one day that remark said in the heat of frustration will come back to haunt me. She’ll toddle downstairs covered head to foot in Sudocrem and announce, “I did it mummy, just like you told me” 

2 thoughts on “Pant, pant, pant…. throw me a stick mummy…woof,woof!

  1. Loubelle says:

    Loving it. Your little Lily sounds so much like my little monkey it’s uncanny. To be fair it was only 2 tubes of toothpaste she emptied in the bathroom today, while I was wrapping birthday presents, and distracted for 5 minutes. Her first words as I caught her were “It wasn’t me”. Hmm. Pretty sure it was.

    • Haha yes, little terrors aren’t they? Toothpaste? I haven’t had one yet as it’s too high up. Shampoo is her favourite to empty, especially the landing carpet! x

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