Tough love – update #1

My first crack at being tough went ok-ish.

In the early hours of the first night, Lily wailed from her room, not getting out of bed. It was tough, yes, but as I cried in to my pillow, she gradually stopped all her pleas of a drink, to be cuddled, to be kissed, to have her covers sorted (She had all of these), and to come in to my bed.

We both fell asleep until around 4 am.

Lily came to my room, and wanted attention. I sleepily explained that mummy was tired, she should be in bed and that she needed to go back to her room, by herself, and wait until morning before coming again. Obviously she wasn’t happy and wailed beside me, but she must have gone back to bed pretty quickly because the next thing I knew, it was 6.45am.

I did it…I cracked it…I felt slightly jubilant at the relatively easy success of it.

12th October 2.40am

Well that will teach me to huff on my fingernails and rub them cockily over my clothes!

Fail

Fail

Yesterday, after Lily had come in to our bedroom at 6.45am, she was chirpy and full of love and kisses. Somehow the fear of having her turn up distressed following my harsh treatment the night before, didn’t happen. No surprise there though is there?

She had a nap in the morning, which I encouraged, as we were going to an engagement party that evening.

We went to the party and it started out okay. Lily became tired quite quickly and we were home by 9pm. She was screaming in the car coming home, screaming when we got home. She was exhausted. Within seconds of putting her to bed she was asleep.

1.30am she woke.

I did get up to Lily. I helped her to the bathroom in her sleepy state, then returned her to bed, telling her as I kissed and hugged her, that mummy would not come back to see her, and that she was to go back to sleep. Lily nodded and turned over.

Within 5 minutes she was up out of bed and by my side. I asked her to go back to bed. She began to cry, then she got louder and then she was stamping her feet, wailing and begging! I spoke to her, several times, which only made it worse (inconsistency #1). Allan was now awake too. Lily was relentless. It was eating me up, I felt tortured by her pleas. I eventually got out of bed to take her back (inconsistency #2). She went berserk…. screaming, pushing me and trying to ‘escape’ from her room. I went back to bed, and she followed me, wailing for my attention. It was awful. Allan explained that I was being inconsistent. I knew I was. He got up and took her back to bed, and in a firm but calm tone (mine was high pitched and desperate) told her to stay in bed or he would shut her door. She said okay to him ,then she went quiet! Why can’t I do it? Why does it turn in to a drama when I try? INCONSISTENCY. That’s why I fail.

Damn, parenting is so hard. Loving your kids is so easy isn’t it? Parenting them is different. It is not loving them. It is doing what is right by them. Giving them boundaries and consistency, so they know exactly where they are at.

I love Lily.

Right now I feel like  I’m failing Lily by not parenting her properly.

Tomorrow is another day.

Tomorrow, Allan and I need to make a plan together and stick to it.

I know I’m going to find it very hard to do.

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16 thoughts on “Tough love – update #1

  1. Don’t be too hard on yourself, there will always be set backs & there will always be tomorrow and remember I did say it will probably get worse before it gets better, that just means it’s working & she’s getting frustrated that the usual tricks aren’t having any effect

  2. Doing the right thing is rarely easy, for some reason. Have you noticed that? Believe me when I say you are doing the right thing by teaching her to comfort herself. Hang tough! I bet you are a wonderful mom even if you don’t feel like it right now. That horrible and sad guilt is part of the whole mommy gig, unfortunately. Just know you are really helping your child learn valuable life skills!

    • Thank you.
      You are right, I know that. It’s just so tough.
      Rest assured I aim to continue, despite sometimes wobbling along the way. My husband is much stronger than me and he will keep me on the right track.

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