15th October 8.15 pm
I have to say, I think we have had some progress here these past couple of nights.
It hasn’t been perfect, and the ride is still decidedly rocky, but I’m hoping to see some more positive effects from our tough love tactics.
To be honest, tough love sounds so feeble now. When you consider the amount of angst that I felt, the strain of dealing with guilt, of letting my girl down (I know it’s a ridiculous statement, but those of you who have done this, knows of my plight), now I feel more positive that we will crack this problem.
Lily herself, who must have listened in on a few conversations about her night time antics, said the other day to Allan, that she wanted him to help her fix why she couldn’t sleep. Bless her. I’m sure she’s fed up with the stern repercussions and lack of empathy that she gets when she wakes several times a night.
Last night she went to bed with the usual story or two, a kiss and a cuddle.
She woke once prior to us going to bed, but was settled very quickly. She was a bit hot and sweaty, so maybe had had a bad dream.
After that she only woke once, at 1 am. She came through to our room, and I walked her back to her bed. A couple of minutes later she was shouting to go to the loo (I had already asked her if she wanted to go). Allan who was having trouble sleeping any way got up and took her then settled her back to bed. Again, he gently reminded her to stay in bed, or the consequence would be that the stair gate would get shut. She went to sleep straight away. Allan does get better responses than me, which is testament to his consistency, and my lack of of it.
I have to say that the next time she woke was at 5.30 am, which I mistakenly read through sleepy eyes as 3.30 am! So, I put her back to bed, telling her it was not morning yet! To give her her due, she stayed until 6.15 am, when Allan got up with her, and let me have a lie in until 8.30 am. It was heaven.
Tonight, as usual she had her normal bedtime routine, and she was asleep within minutes of me leaving. She was also quite happy that the cat had taken it upon himself to sleep in her room by her bed.
I feel less stressed these past couple of days, but I have had a couple of wobbly times, where I’ve cried through frustration from dealing with her negative behaviour, which is fuelled mainly by lack of sleep. I’m sure sleep will recuperate me eventually. I must look tired, as my 9 year old neighbour popped in this evening and remarked how tired I looked!
I’ve got to put some make up on tomorrow!!
16th October 6.45 am
Given that I’m not much of a morning person, the tiredness I’m feeling right now is normal, and by mid morning I shall be feeling and looking amazing! Well, we can all dream can’t we?
Lily had a little wobble last night.
Prior to us going to bed she woke 3 times, but give her credit once again, she remained in bed, and called for me from there.
The only other time she woke was around 12.30 am, and was very quickly back to sleep, after only a quick visit from me.
Our tough love tactics, in truth, haven’t been very tough at all, despite expecting to deal with screaming and tantrums throughout the night. We haven’t used the stair gate once, and it’s presence has been enough to keep Lily from getting out of bed several times a night. She has taken on board what we have explained to her and dealt with it so well.
Many will say that we will damage Lily’s emotional development by being so harsh, setting harsh boundaries and ignoring her woeful pleas every night, several times a night, but I say we won’t. We love Lily. Parenting is separate from loving your child. Loving them is the easiest thing you will ever have to do. It’s the parenting that is the hard part, knowing what to do for the best, even if it means doing things that go against what your heart tells you.