Smell my stinky finger!

Eesh where does the time go? I’m seriously needing a bloggy kick up the bum!

What Lily finds to talk about incessantly, baffles me, but jabber away she does. Blah, blah, blah…… I admit to zoning out at times, to be met with an, “Are you listening to me mum”?. Of course I tell her, yes. Then she asks me a question that is pertinent to what she had been talking (and talking and talking) about, and when I mumble an, “uh huh darling”, she knows that I have not been listening at all. She has cottoned on quite quickly that this reply means I’ve zoned out, and she insists that I start to respond by speaking actual definite words, like yes and no! No more will she be fobbed off by my under enthusiastic responses.

These days, there are so many funny things Lily says and does, that in the moment that she says or does it, I haven’t my phone to hand to record any of it. Her quick wit and sharp replies to anything either myself or Allan says or does, are incredibly funny, if not downright cheeky and insubordinate at times. We pass glances at each other, almost challenging the other to deal with her, but both quietly amused by her. If one challenges Lily, the other must try to remain stony faced at all times. This is nigh on impossible because her comebacks are fuelled with so much dry wit.

We have had the pleasure of looking after my granddaughter Isabel recently for a couple of weeks. Lily and Isabel did bicker quite a lot, but no more than any other 3 and 2 year old would do. On the whole I know that Lily thoroughly enjoyed having her aunty duties fully in force. She persistently told her niece what to do at every opportunity, to the point where Isabel and us got fed up, and we all ended up telling her to shush! At one point Lily had found the whole thing a little too much and declared to Isabel, “Oh Isabel, I’m tired. It’s tiring looking after you all day”! Another time they were both looking at a book and Lily had asked Isabel if she could read the letters. When she told Lily that she couldn’t, Lily turned to her and said, “Don’t worry, just make it up”! Good sound advice I think.

One Sunday Allan asked Lily if she knew what we were having for dinner. She said that she didn’t know what we were having. Allan persisted and asked if it was chicken, roast potatoes etc. She stopped what she was doing and turned to him and said, “I don’t know what’s for dinner love. I don’t do the cooking here”! This overly familiar use of the word ‘love’, is becoming more and more common in her dialogue with us. It usually manifests in phrases like, “I’m not going to tidy up love”, “Tough luck love” and “Are you doing a wee or a poo love”!

The most potentially disgusting thing happened a couple of weeks ago. I say potentially, as I’m nobody’s fool, and was, on that day, savvy enough to prevent my gag reflex coming in to play!

Lily was sitting beside me and asked me to sniff her finger. “What”? I asked.

“Sniff my finger. It stinks”!


“Sniff it. It smells disgusting. Ewww”!

“No. I don’t want to smell your finger thank you.”

“Really mummy, smell it. It smells REALLY bad”!

“OK, I’m not going to smell it. Where have you had it”?

“I don’t know”

“Why does it smells so bad. Have you been scratching your bits”?
“I don’t know, it just does”

Now the truth is. Would you smell it? Would you? If your child presented you with a smelly finger so disgustingly stinky, would you smell it? NO, neither did I.

We have a cat called Kitty who is around 15 years old. He’s a bit fat, got knackered joints and smells a bit, but we love him. Lily is aware that at some point Kitty will pass from this earth and go to cat fairyland. Having pondered this for some time, she asked me one day if we could have another cat when Kitty died. I replied that we really didn’t want him to die, and thinking about getting another cat, isn’t what we should really be talking about right now. She is a persistent child, and continued with the enquiry. I then told her that daddy had already said that he didn’t want to have any more pets (despite being coerced in to the chickens). She thought more about this, before adding, “When daddy dies, can we get a kitten then”? I explained that we really didn’t want to think about daddy dying either. “I know”, she said, “But when he DOES die, can we get another kitten”? Well I kind of crumbled and agreed to getting another cat if we lost both Kitty and daddy! You can bet any odds, that the day either one of them pops their clogs, she’ll be calling in that request.

We were travelling in the car and exchanging light banter, as you do. Somewhere in amongst it all (and I can’t remember where it all came from), Lily called Allan ugly. Allan being the better, more mature of the two,  threw in the smelly card. True to form and quite rightly so, Lily said to him, “At least smelly is better than ugly”!

Lily has several teddies, none of which are particularly a favourite. It all depends on her mood on any given day. One time she had one called Patchy, and wanted to have him while we were eating dinner. He was sat at the other end of the table, and she was told that she would have to wait until the meal was over. Suddenly she announced that she needed to pee (uh huh, right), and as she passed Patchy reached out to take him. She was told to go to the loo and leave the teddy where it was, and that she could have it once her meal was finished. To which Lily’s response was to address her teddy, and say, “Oh well Patchy, you’ll just have to sit there and wet yourself”! Off she flounced to pee, leaving us almost peeing ourselves laughing.

Just a final health and safety warning from Lily

“You have to be careful with custard don’t you mummy”?

“Do you, why”?

“Because custard can be dangerous”

“how so, Lily”?
“Because you might slip on it”!

Go easy people


10 thoughts on “Smell my stinky finger!

  1. Meredith Stiff says:

    I just love that Lily. I think she and Mary Margaret are “soul sisters” across the great sea. Perhaps we are as well. Different accents but my how our stories are similar. xxoo

  2. Daddy says:

    Lily’s Daddy here – I would like to congratulate my daughter on her sense of irony vis-à-vis her comment regarding my attractiveness. I am, stunningly attractive, she on the other hand, smells like a marine after a night on the beer!

  3. LagosMum says:

    You’ve had me in stitches! It is tiring when they talk and talk and talk, isn’t it? I don’t know why – but Vinay feels it is most important to talk to me when the baby’s crying and I can’t hear a thing he’s saying!

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